March 29, 2016, 31 weeks

We had another appointment Tuesday, which started out fairly normal. Dr. Chang looked at your heart to see if there were new developments. Most of what he told us was the same information we had gotten previously, with one new thing he was seeing. He let up know you have hydrops, meaning you have fluid building up around some of your organs. I asked what this meant for you long term and he said it was just a side effect of what was going on with your heart. He also started to discuss with us the possibility of delivering you early. He didn’t think we should deliver before 36 weeks since the earlier you are born the more problems are likely to arise. We start dealing with normal problems associated with premature birth, and that those on top of the problems you are already dealing with would likely be too much for your body to deal with. He told us he would like to see us again at 34 weeks.

The office was very busy while we were there! Dr. Chang is only in the office biweekly, so they usually are pretty booked while we are there, but it was extra busy this visit. Because Dr. Chang was so busy, he didn’t get to touch base with Dr. Lee before Dr. Lee came to meet with us. When finally we were able to meet with Dr. Lee he expressed a few concerns. He told us that fluid build-up around your organs means that you are in heart failure, and that in his experience most babies with hydrops don’t last very long. He told us we are between a rock and a hard place. That we either try to deliver before 36 weeks and run the risk of you not surviving because you are under developed, or we wait for you to be more developed and run the risk of you not surviving because your heart fails. He left that decision up to us and so far we want you to continue to grow and develop. Dr. Lee wants us to begin coming in weekly to keep a closer eye on you. He also told me to pay closer attention to your movements. He said the last thing he wants is for me to go into labor in the middle of the night and go to the hospital and end up with a doctor who doesn’t know the situation, and who may do more harm than help. So we are going to keep a closer eye and hopefully avoid that situation. He also said that, for lack of a better term, we are playing chicken. That we may get to a point where we haven’t made it to 36 weeks, but that you might be declining rapidly and we decide to deliver earlier in hopes of choosing the best option for your survival.

It was a scary appointment. And not a timeline I thought we would be dealing with. That being said, I’m glad that we have had plenty of appointments to prepare us for this situation. I can’t imagine having had this all sprung upon us at once. We have had time to slowly process everything.

On a happier note, Tuesday evening I was sitting and had dad put his hand on my lower belly because I was having a consistent movement that was different than usual, and I was nervous about what it was. Dad said it was very faint and that because of the consistency of it, I was probably feeling my own pulse in an artery. It want away shortly after I stood up, and I thought maybe Dad was right. Wednesday night I was sitting eating dinner when I started getting the same feeling again but in a different area. This time I realized, and laughed at myself for the previous night, that you probably had hiccups! That sure was fun to feel and recognize.